Singaporean parents may not be the most affectionate to their children. In fact, they may be the ‘typical Asian parents’ that we grew up with – strict, have high standards and expectations, and live by the phrase ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’.
But, love can be shown in many different ways, and how we give and receive love in our own families varies greatly.
For my family, saying ‘I love you’, expressing how much we appreciate or care for one another, or giving each other hugs are not common at home. Instead, it is shown through subtle acts like preparing breakfast, buying our favourite food and going out of their way to do things for us.
Here are five distinct ways that parents express their love for their children, and some practical tips on how we can reciprocate and show them that we care and appreciate them too.
1. Cutting up fresh fruits
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Sliced Fuji apples, peeled and placed nicely in a bowl? Watermelon, perfectly cubed and chilled? These are just some of the daily things that our parents do for us to show that they care for our health.
Whether it's after dinner or during a late-night assignment session, my mum religiously brings out a plate of freshly cut fruits, and insists we eat it. “Come, eat fruits now!” is a repeated call in my home. Nevertheless, these bowls of fruit taste sweeter knowing that it’s filled with love.
As food is one of the most Asian ways of expressing love, buy your parent’s favourite and healthy foods to show that you care, and give them a pleasant surprise!
2. Giving you the best parts of the meal, rather than keeping it for themselves.
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From taking out the bones of the fish, to passing the last piece of our favourite dish, and peeling prawns for us, parents will never hesitate to give us the choicest piece of food while keeping the lesser parts for themselves.
To this day, my parents would still pass us the best parts of the meal – a bigger piece of meat, the perfect piece of salmon to my siblings and me. It is such a simple gesture meant out of love, which makes it easy to be overlooked or taken for granted.
Instead of quietly chomping down on your meal, show some love to your parents and be the one to scoop and place the best dishes on their bowl or plate. Our small act can warm their heart and put a smile on their face too!
3. Driving you to and from places
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Parents willingly take time out of their schedules to extend their help. From offering to give you a ride and driving long distances to pick you up when it’s late at night - these were never inconveniences for them.
Fetching my brother and me to the MRT station whenever it rains heavily in the morning and taking a longer route so that they could drop me off at my office during my internship days were just some instances of my parents going out of their way to express their love for us.
Shower your parents with some care by offering your time and lend them a helping hand whenever they need your help - be it something trivial or important!
4. Providing for our needs
Our parent’s generation grew up in lack and endured hardships. Not wanting us to experience what they had to go through, they supported and provided us with money and education, so that we can have a good future and lead a successful life.
My parents always ensured that I had enough money for school, and constantly checked in to see if I was coping well with my studies. They also sent my siblings and me for tuition classes, piano and swimming lessons so that we could have a wider skillset.
As our parents have provided for our basic needs, now we can dream big and value a new set of things - time, opportunities, experiences, and knowledge. Spend some quality time, help out around the house or be interested in their lives, it’s never too late to show your appreciation!
5. Constantly nagging at you
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As the Chinese saying goes, ‘打是疼,骂是爱’; to hit is to dote, to scold is to love, and whenever there is verbal affection at home, it usually comes in the form of nagging.
Sleep early. Stop playing games. Drink more water. Eat more vegetables. Don’t drink cold water in the morning. Cut your hair, it’s too long. Don’t skip meals. And so on. Though these statements come from a place of wanting the best for us, we may perceive their care and concern as naggy and annoying.
Know that all this nagging and scolding is rooted in concern and love, though expressed unconventionally.
Instead of ignoring them or giving one-word replies, an alternative is to (1) acknowledge their concern, (2) express gratitude toward their concern, and (3) acknowledge that you have the matter at hand.
Saying “I Love You” in practical ways
Sometimes, these subtle acts of care can be the most meaningful, albeit realising their acts of love, concern and sacrifices later in life.
While they didn’t express it through words like ‘ I’m here for you’, it was their silent presence and support in times when I needed it most. Our parents are not perfect, and it’s important to remember that they are human too – they make mistakes, they hurt.
I hope these points will give you a fresh perspective of how our parents express their love and care for us in subtle and practical ways. I encourage you to look at their actions through a different lens, and reciprocate all the love and care they’ve shown us.
