When we see two friends with great chemistry on a Netflix series, we often automatically assume that they will eventually become an adorable couple. We root for the small romantic tensions within the plot and, by the season finale, we will ‘ship’ their characters together no matter the series’ outcome.
This romantic cliche is far from reality; we all know that even when there is interest from one side it very often is not reciprocated by the other. We end up in a grey area of the relationship that can separate even the closest of friends.
Grey areas are the situations that are not black nor white—gaps where rights and wrongs become entirely up to interpretation. It is scary because we might not be prepared to decide what is right for ourselves and everyone involved.
It can seem like an impossible task to keep lasting platonic friendships with someone we might potentially be attracted to. However, if your relationships are built on the four things below, then it’s definitely possible to have good platonic friendships!
#1 Having clear communication
Most of the time, friends find themselves in grey areas because neither party sat down and defined the relationship. If relationships are mostly clear cut—a friend is a friend and a partner is different—how is it that we still find ourselves in ambiguity? It’s because some relationships are not as clear as they seem; some relationships seem to be open to the possibility of something more and tend to get messy.
The only way to get over uncertainty is to be clear and on the same page as your friend. Let each other know where you stand in the relationship. Most importantly, respect each other’s decisions. If you both decide to be friends, let it be that way. Through open communication, allow both parties to listen and also talk.
#2 Having personal boundaries
As important as it is to set the boundaries of the relationship, it is equally as important to work on your own. Be absolutely certain what you expect of a friendship. Work through what you are comfortable with and encourage your friend to do the same. How much physical contact are you willing to accept? Will a quick hug be acceptable for you; or is physical contact not your thing? The next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, you will at least be sure of what you want, and make better decisions.
Take note that we are all raised and made differently, so we should not be embarrassed by how much we can or cannot take. Once again, respect is important here. Let your friend know if they have crossed a personal boundary and do not be afraid to say ‘no’.
#3 Having measured expectations
Close friends are an important aspect of our lives, so it is normal to have expectations of them. Expectations, however, can be dangerous. When the people we trust do not meet our expectations, we tend to react in hurtful ways. It is important that we always evaluate our expectations and ground them to reality.
We cannot expect our friends to be more than who they are. After all, true friendships are formed when we are most like ourselves. So we have to realise when we are expecting too much from someone to a point where their boundaries are ignored. If you realise that you are doing a favour with an ulterior motive, avoid it. If your friend tells you they are not comfortable, stop doing it. Keep your expectations in check.
#4 Seeking trusted opinions
If we all could see ourselves from a third-person point of view, I am sure we would find that we are not as good decision-makers as we think. Oftentimes in the heat of the moment we do and say things that, in hindsight, we would have done differently. So it is always wise to seek advice from a third party, someone who knows what your relationship with your friend is like. Do they think that your relationship is healthy? Do they think that it needs work? Do they think that you should avoid it? Ask for a trusted opinion, and you’ll find that you will be making clearer decisions.
These guidelines for a healthy platonic relationship might sound very intuitive but, in actual fact, many relationships are not guarded by them. We tend to take for granted mutual respect and communication in friendships and assume they are naturally reciprocated. However, we will sometimes find that not to be true. Being in a grey area can look like a desirable thing in movies, but it really is not healthy for you, your friend or your relationship. Instead, being clear, being aware and seeking help are good ways to make your platonic friendships work!
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