Being an introvert does not seem like the coolest personality trait to have. Our extroverted counterparts seem to steal the spotlight with their outgoing, enthusiastic and sociable nature. They seem to grace every social gathering and have no qualms about holding a conversation even with a stranger.
While I know that is very stereotypical of me to describe extroverts in this manner, it would also be the same to assume that all introverts struggle with meeting new people and making friends.
However, it is a real struggle for some who may not have a natural flair or charm in holding conversations with others. With school starting soon, many of you may find yourself placed in situations where you are forced to make friends, be it in orientation camps, new classes and more. It feels like you have to start all over again, the whole process of building friendships!
I hope that this article gives the assurance that it is perfectly fine to be an introvert. I hope that the tips provided will prove useful for those who may want to challenge themselves to step out of their comfort zone.
Embrace Your Introversion
I may not be the most qualified person to talk about this topic because many of my friends think that I am an extrovert but on the contrary, I am an introvert. I love being an introvert and am proud to call myself one. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert–though the title of the article may suggest otherwise–that’s just how you are! Having said that, it took me some time to understand what it means to be an introvert and how to be comfortable in my own skin.
Over time, and especially during the circuit breaker period, I began to realise how I needed my alone time every morning or I would be cranky throughout the day. I soon grew an appreciation for the quiet mornings each day. I also love reflecting on who I am as a person rather than dwelling on the past or the future. I feel that this makes me who I am now and I wouldn’t change one bit of it.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone in Your Comfort Zone
That being said, I try not to get too comfortable being an introvert. I try to hold myself to this belief where just because something is uncomfortable or out of my personality to do doesn’t mean that I should just avoid it.
Instead, I look at it as a potential area that I can grow in to become more holistic as a person. For example, I hate public speaking and it is nerve-racking for me, but oftentimes, I find myself in various opportunities to practise this skill. It’s almost unavoidable. Hence, instead of telling myself that I can’t do it because I am an introvert, I try to push my limits to see how far I can go.
Before you think I am too idealistic, I would like to clarify that I still struggle with it and I am not able to perfectly follow through all the time. Instead, it is simply a goal that I set for myself as a motivation for growth.
In the same way, when it comes to making friends, I have to bring this bad news to you that you have no choice but to put yourself out there. However, do you know that there are ways to make friends comfortably as an introvert? I feel that what helps is to put one leg out of your comfort zone while having your other leg stay in your comfort zone so that you are still on familiar ground.
Here are some quick tips:
- Don’t hang out in huge groups. If you are like me and find it intimidating to speak when in a big group, try meeting in smaller groups or have more one-on-one hangouts and prioritise quality over quantity. After all, we are still in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. So keep to groups of eight or less and stay safe!
- If you already find yourself in a group and feel stuck, start by looking for one person you find most comfortable to talk to. Who knows that person might be feeling the same way!
- Avoid getting social burnout. If you get tired easily after spending a long day with people, don’t sabotage yourself by planning back to back hangouts, leaving no room for you to take a breather. Take time to recharge yourself before arranging the next hangout.
Create Opportunities to Spend Time Together
Friendships take time to grow and the more you spend time together, the stronger your bonds will be. Ok, before you write this off as another cliche advice that you have heard countless times, please give me a chance to share some practical handles on how to spend quality time in your friendship especially for newer ones.
Now that most things are online and calling on Zoom or Microsoft Teams has become a norm, you might find yourself resigning to having project meetings from the comfort of your homes. But everyone turns off their camera and silence ensues, filling up the majority of the meeting time.
Be the one to take the initiative to ask your group to meet up physically. Not only will it increase your productivity but it is much easier to communicate face-to-face as well. On top of that, you could suggest having a meal in school before meeting to break the ice.
When I was in Poly, meal times together in between classes were what bonded my group mates. It was a time we would talk about things other than schoolwork, and I got to know more about my friends and their life outside of school. Over time, it helped us become more bonded and united as a team.
Other than that, finding a common interest among your friends will also help to strengthen your bonds. It is always less intimidating to get to know someone over an activity because at least we, introverts, will have something to fiddle with when things get awkward.
Of course, things might not go according to what you planned, but you will never know if you don’t try. Moreover, there’s a sense of peace knowing that you tried your best to open up a door for friendship even if it doesn’t work out the way you hope it would.
Be a Genuine Friend
All in all, don’t feel like you need to be the life of the party in every group. Sometimes, simply being there for someone and supporting them through difficult times means so much more than being the ‘popular’ or most liked one in the group. That’s how you build meaningful friendships that will stand the test of time.
There needs to be a balance in friend groups as well. It can’t be that everybody is extroverted and talking all the time. Find out what your strengths are and play to them. While you may not be the star in group settings, I am sure there is still much value in friendships and knowing that they’ve got your back.
If you are quiet, it could mean that you are a great listener. You allow time for others to speak and share their feelings to feel heard. Maybe you value privacy a lot but that could also show people that you can be trusted to honour their privacy as well.
Be genuine, be real, people can sense it. And that’s how you can win at friendships even as an introvert.
Making friends doesn’t have to be difficult. Put these tips to use and make new friends at our Speed Friending event! Get to know people outside of your social circle in a fun night of conversations!
More details on the events HERE.
Sign up now at bit.ly/polyspeedfriending
