I’m an overthinker. And I’m also a perfectionist and an empath. These are some big words, but essentially, it means that I feel and think a lot, all the time. I tend to pick up on the emotions of people around me, and by my perfectionistic nature, I like to try to make things right for everybody.
Growing up, I struggled to understand these traits about myself. I would question why things seemed to weigh me down more than the average person. Why I couldn’t just let things “roll off my back,” as many people advised me.
At this point, you may be wondering if this article is for you.
“What do they say about me behind my back?”
“I wonder if I sounded too stern just now?”
“Why did she have that tone… Does she hate me?”
If similar thoughts are often floating around in your head, if you pick apart and tend to psycho-analyse every single situation, if you frequently second-guess yourself… You’re probably an overthinker.
If you’re anything like me, I know how this obsessive amount of thinking has caused you some restless nights and maybe even put a strain on some friendships at times. I want to assure you that you are not broken or wonky. I believe our emotions were given to us for a reason, and having these traits have allowed me to care for people better. Nonetheless, they are tough to navigate and can take a toll on your mental health.
Even if you aren’t an overthinker, I hope this article will still give you a little insight into my mind, and at the very least provide some perspective on how to love and care for the overthinkers around you.
For the overthinker, perfectionist, and/or empath:
- Be aware.
When you find yourself harping on something, take a step back and give yourself time to process it.
Ask: “Why am I fixating on this thing, and is it a legitimate thing to be fixated on?”
Confronting your emotions will help you rationalise them, and gain a better perspective on just how big this problem actually is. 90% of the time, this alleviates the pressure by SO MUCH. The more you can practice this, the more you will better understand and regulate your emotions! Learn what helps you when your brain is going into overdrive – is it taking a long shower, exercising, talking to a friend, or even taking a quick nap? There is no right way to process your thoughts.
- Go easy on yourself.
When something doesn’t go according to plan, or you make a mistake, you may have a tendency to beat yourself up about it. Be gracious with yourself when you make mistakes, and treat it as another opportunity to learn and grow to become a better version of yourself.
Ask: “Could I have done anything to prevent this?”
If yes, do what is necessary for yourself to avoid it next time. If not, put in a conscious effort to disallow the issue from taking root in your mind and heart. Know that there are things which are beyondyour control, and that is okay. It doesn’t make you weak. Regardless of your answer to this question, remember that you are human and that we are flawed. No one is perfect or has all the answers – what matters is how you move on from your mistakes.
- Just do something. Anything.
Oftentimes, my overthinking comes from a place of passiveness. I tend to slip into this mode of mental overdrive when my hands are not busy.
Ask: “What can I do now?”
Instead of spending brainpower thinking about dozens of possible scenarios, decide to do something about the problem, or, if nothing can be done, move on to your next task. There is also no shame in resting if your schedule permits!
- Choose joy.
To me, this is the most important piece of advice I can give. Things come and go, people may come and go, but I believe that joy is a conscious choice. I don’t mean that you have to be laughing or grinning from ear to ear 24/7… I believe that even in the face of adversity and frustration, we can muster our strength to find a quiet joy, one that clings to the hope that this bad thing will pass.
Ask: “What can I be grateful for?”
Don’t let the turmoil from one bad experience ruin your day, week, or month. After something bad happens, every hour that you let it dampen your mood is an hour that you could have spent joyfully. I have found that it’s so much healthier for me to think about all that I can be grateful for, and thank God for these things instead.
I don’t say all of this expecting that it will solve all your problems. Coming from a rather conservative Secondary School, entering Poly was a huge step into the unknown. Gone were the days of pinned back hair and proper uniforms.
Quite honestly, it was daunting. While it gave me more freedom to do whatever I wanted with my hair and outfit, it also presented more opportunities for others to judge me based on my outward appearance, and more reasons to overthink!
However, I hope you will remember this: we are often so blinded by our own insecurities that we don’t notice everyone else struggling with theirs. Many teenagers, myself included, struggle with body image and the constant comparison of ourselves to our peers.
Most of the time, you are not the focus of everyone’s attention — and I sincerely hope that this will bring cheer and comfort to you.
