Cancel culture, online trolls, keyboard warriors—these are just some examples of cyberbullying we encounter these days. With the rise of social media and the internet, social and verbal bullying seem to have taken a back seat, but that does not mean it no longer exists.
Christa Choo, a Ngee Ann Polytechnic graduate, opens up about her experiences of verbal and social bullying during her time in NP five years ago. Now, she looks back on how she has grown and moved on from that difficult season. Her story is an encouragement to everyone that tough times don’t last, tough people do.
Poly Parcel: Hi Christa, thank you for agreeing to share your story with us. Perhaps before you share your bullying incident, could you tell us a bit about yourself?
Christa: Sure! I am 25 this year, I graduated from NP Mass Communication 5 years ago and I currently work as a Fundraising Executive in a registered charity and social service organisation. It has been an interesting journey so far, as I have only been in mass communication-related jobs.
I decided to join NP Mass Comm because I was attracted to the seemingly cool career prospect like being a future DJ! So that was me entering Mass Comm with rose-tinted glasses as a goofy 17-year-old freshman.
However, right from the get-go, it felt like I did not belong or fit into Mass Comm as I neither had that confidence nor the looks. Additionally, I came from a rather sheltered background. I was living in my own bubble as I haven't really met people from different walks of life and my EQ was really poor. Many times I spoke thoughtlessly, and did not realise my words could be hurtful to others.
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Poly Parcel: What were some of the ways you were bullied in Poly?
Christa: Looking back, I realised that I've always been the odd one out since Primary School. But any definitive memory of being ostracised started in Secondary School, due to some things I said. Then in Poly it just escalated to something a bit more serious.
It started in freshman year during one of our first few projects. I remembered once my classmate overslept for a group project and I joked about him being a ‘sleeping beauty’. That made him fuming mad and he hated me for this careless statement I made.
Due to the lack of community in school, I often headed home to complete my assignments, but that made me really distracted to the extent that I wasn’t really pulling my weight for group projects.
Once when I was absent from class, the ‘sleeping beauty’ classmate commented something along the lines of:
“Wah Christa ah, she’s a horrible person to work with. She will mess up your projects and GPA.”
There was also this instance where I posted something controversial on Facebook and one of my coursemates tried to silence me as what I posted probably didn’t sit well with her. The coursemate commented something along the lines of “Shut up la, everyone hates you.” The worst thing was that it really felt like she was speaking the truth on behalf of “everyone”.
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Because of such incidents, I earned myself a really poor reputation where people would gossip behind my back and this was the start of how I became the target of bullying.
I remember feeling quite alone, feeling helpless about the entire situation. I wanted to do something about it but I felt so horrible that I didn’t know how to help myself or what I could do about it..
"I wanted to do something about it but I felt so horrible that I didn’t know how to help myself or what I could do about it"
My other classmates were very neutral about everything so they kept their distance from me, not wanting to be involved in any form of drama
Poly Parcel: What was the climax of the entire bullying?
Christa: Ah, even recounting this incident makes me breathless and my palms sweaty, but I’m glad it has gotten a lot better over the years. The climax of the entire bullying happened during my second year in Poly when I arrived later than I promised to a group meeting at this shared common study space (Our Space @72).
When I arrived, two of my group mates shouted at me so loudly that the entire place went silent. Everyone turned to look at us and I was just standing there awkwardly, trying to explain and defend myself in hopes of appeasing their anger.
But they just continued shouting above my voice. I remember feeling so overwhelmed because it was really loud and it was two against one.
Their faces were distorted in anger and their fingers were jabbing about in the air as they shouted. Everything was a blur. To make things worse, most people at Our Space@72 were from my cohort (final year Mass Comm students) because there was a common deadline we were all rushing for.
One kind hearted classmate tried to stand up for me but he only got shushed and shouted at by my project mates, which probably also startled him. Everything happened so quickly and I was in a state of shock while trying to formulate words to explain myself.
I was with my closest friend from my course. She had been standing some distance away but a few minutes into the shouting, she couldn't take it anymore and grabbed my arm and quickly guided me away. Her name is Hannah and we were coursemates but never classmates. Yet she stood up for me and faced this traumatic incident alongside me.
Hannah was crying as she dragged me away from the crowd and I was so confused as to why she was crying. I will always remember how, as she looked at me in tears, she said: "Christa, don't stand here and talk to them already. They are not interested in hearing what you have to say. Just go already, don't stay here and let them shout at you." When it was finally just the both of us, Hannah took me by the shoulders, looked me in the eye, and said, "No one deserves to be treated like that."
Suddenly the dam broke, and I started sobbing. I was in shock and probably in denial, trying to put up a brave front, and her words were spoken with so much love that the tears just came out of their own accord.
“No one deserves to be treated like that.”
I felt the fierce and protective love of a good friend for the first time in a long while. I was so thankful that there was some light in the midst of the darkest time of my life at that time.
This made me realise that I have value and despite being in the wrong, I didn’t deserve such hostile treatment from my project mates. All these while I’ve accepted their bullying because it felt like I deserved it. However, Hannah’s words made me recognize that no one deserves to be stepped on and beaten down because everyone deserves love and respect.
Photo by Hello I’m Nik! on Unsplash
I failed to see my worth and I felt that I "deserved" their bullying. I thought to myself, I did something so bad to them, so I should let them take out their anger on me. I hated myself, right alongside these bullies.
Why can’t I do my work properly? Why can’t I be more disciplined? How could you do such a thing to others?
I was tortured too, by the fact that I “affected their marks”. It was scary, but I actually felt relieved to be peer-evaluated because who wants to be the one who “destroyed” your classmates’ grades? At that time, I could not even respect myself. Who can respect and love such a person?
Today I count myself fortunate that this incident is the worst of my experiences of being bullied. I hope my story will motivate others to spare a kind word for the awkward teen suffering in the corner. That guy who stood up for me. That girl who gave me a genuine smile every time she saw me. I was really thankful for those moments where I was treated like a normal person.
Poly Parcel: What lessons have you learnt from this season of your life?
Christa: I have grown a lot from the person I was back then. Sometimes I look back and think, ”How could I have let people treat me like that?”
There are rare moments when I see my old self resurface and I feel scared that I am still the same old Christa. But hey, just gotta pluck up your courage and face the challenges in life head on.
However, one thing I learnt for sure is that in the midst of darkness, light shines brighter. I treasure my friendships so much more (thanks Hannah!) as well as my family and loved ones. Knowing that there are people who truly love you is hard to come by.
Photo by Yulia Matvienko on Unsplash
My experiences also toughened me up and prepared me for the working world. The bullying incident forced me to face my inner struggles with my own self worth.
In the past, I was a negative person with very low self-esteem. Now, whenever I see someone being left out, the pain of rejection hits me all over again. Before I know it, my legs have carried me over to them and I am extending my hand in friendship. Suffice to say, today I have too many friends, sometimes I even struggle to find time to meet them. Haha! But it's all good.
My mum also taught me that there will always be two ways to face situations, either to be bitter or to be better. And while breakthroughs might not come easy or immediately, I’ve learnt to celebrate the small victories.
“There will always be two ways to face situations, either to be bitter or to be better.”
As a person of faith, I truly believe that my God can do beautiful things out of a scarred human, just like how my peers intended to bully and outcast me, but God used my traumatic experience to reach out to youths going through similar seasons in life!
Poly Parcel: What advice would you give to those going through something similar?
Christa: For those who have been or are being bullied in any way, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could be there with you.
I urge all of you to stay strong! You are not alone and I understand the pain of rejection, but trust me, this will make you a stronger and better person and you will learn many life lessons from it!
Oftentimes, the bullies, like any other person, are struggling with some issues and they choose to resort to bullying so remember that it’s not your fault that you are being bullied!
Speak up for yourself and stand your ground when you are bullied because you are informing others of how to treat you properly. Although it might seem pointless, you are respecting yourself and giving yourself dignity as you inform others how to treat you!
“You are respecting yourself and giving yourself dignity as you inform others how to treat you.”
Let me also share some additional tips for those who might be feeling ostracised or lonely!
- Be prudent with your words! You don’t want to burn bridges unintentionally with your insensitive jokes or remarks. Say positive things and care for them instead!
- Take the initiative to build relationships with others as soon as possible, especially those who will spend a lot of time with you (eg. classmates) as this gives less room for misunderstandings! Look out for others instead of just living in your own bubble and make friends beyond your immediate social circle!
- Be kind to others. When you are kind, people tend to reciprocate kindness. Most people only lash out when they are hurt by something
- Talk to those who really care about you about your struggles. Try not to shut yourself up! Vulnerability begets vulnerability!
- Not everything is about you- learn to listen first and observe, then proceed to talk!
Looking back, I think about how everyone is scared and insecure over not having friends in Poly so don’t worry if you have the same insecurity! I’m pretty sure most other Poly students feel the same too. You might be lost, lonely and not know what to do at times and it’s totally okay to feel that way! Remember to be kind to yourself and be kind to others because everyone has the same kind of worth.
To my readers on the other side of the screen, I might not know you or what you are going through now, but I look forward to encountering you as confident adults who are well aware of your worth!
Feel free to share your stories with me or hit me up anytime as I would love to befriend and get to know you!
Like Christa, there may be times we feel so alone in our struggles but we don’t have to go through our struggles alone! Friends and loved ones who care deeply for us are like a gem! As seniors, we want to journey with you! Reach us or Christa on our Telegram today.
