A common phrase I’ve always heard is that the only competition you have is yourself. Is that really true?
When we were children, we compared our toys.
When we are students, we compare our grades.
And for those of us embarking on our journey of adulthood, we compare our salaries and material goods.
More often than not and no matter what life stage we are at, we can’t help but compare ourselves with others. I am no exception.
Today I’m here to share my story and the four lessons I’ve learnt about comparison. I will also be sharing simple mindset shifts that I believe can help chart your path to greatness and away from self-destruction.
Lesson 1: Don’t compare your Chapter 01 with someone else's Chapter 10
In my freshman year in university, I found it to be a huge struggle to adapt to the new environment I was in. With a lack of understanding of what was being taught, companied by the fear of looking dumb as compared to my peers, I became lost in the syllabus and inevitably did very badly.
I was shocked when I received my first GPA as I was greeted with the Bs and Cs. My grades were nowhere near perfect. Furthermore, when I looked around at my friends, it was a different story for them. Despite attending the same classes and being taught by the same professors, they were greeted with As instead.
My peers seemed to have their life in order– they knew what they wanted to major in and what jobs they wanted to have after graduation, while here I was barely surviving university and being absolutely clueless about what I wanted in life.
Subconsciously, I compared myself with my peers and felt that I was nowhere near as good as them, which resulted in me thinking very badly about myself. Many times, I questioned why I joined university and whether I was even suited to be partaking in this higher education system.
I was often staring into blank space and feeling physically and mentally drained. I could not sleep well at night because I was spiralling in my own dark thoughts. My feelings of inadequacy worsened when I scrolled through Instagram and saw how my peers were excelling in their studies and career prospects– all while I was suffering with insomnia.
However, everything changed when a friend noticed I was not my usual self as well as started to question how I was doing in school and life. I poured out my heart to him and asked what he thought about my situation. From that point, not instantly but progressively, everything changed.
He enlightened me by encouraging me not to compare myself with others’ achievements because they aren't fair comparisons.. What I see is merely the output of countless effort and hours behind the scenes. For example, my friend scored an A+ for our Finance101 lesson and, in awe, I asked what was the secret to his good grade. Turns out, it was constant hard work. Whenever he went on a study break, he would watch finance tutorial videos on YouTube and listen to finance-related audiobooks and podcasts to soak up knowledge. After hearing this, I realised that he was way ahead of me not only because he might be talented, but also because he was putting so much hard work into the subject on a regular basis.
Therefore, don’t compare your chapter 01 with another person’s chapter 10.
Lesson 2: Your results don't determine your worth
A phrase that I chanced upon often reminds me that we all have unique talents. The phrase goes like this: “Don’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree”.
The norms that have been preset for us in our environment make many of us fishes that are tasked to climb trees. If the goal was to climb to the top of 'a tree' (in life, it might be getting the best grades) when our talent does not allow us to do so, it is natural that we feel bad about ourselves.
Instead of focusing on what we cannot do, it’s important to focus on what we already can, and how we can do it even better; at the same time, we can slowly improve on things that we are not good at. For me, I only knew my strength when a friend of mine pointed it out. Although project groups in university usually come and go, she told me that the project groups that I am in always manage to stick together even after the project ends. She pointed out that I have a way with people that allows them to be vulnerable and place their trust in me, which creates authentic friendships.
Being more aware of my strengths allowed me to connect with people which led me to major in Human Resources in university. It equipped me with the necessary skills and knowledge to understand people better.
Even as I build on my strengths, I continue to face my weaknesses. My weakness is that I am slow at mastering the art of studying. For the first half of my university life, I struggled with finding the style of studying and retaining information that best suits me. It took me two long years to get a better grasp and I dare say that I am better off now than I was before, but I am still a work in progress—just like most of us who are working to become better at the things we aren't strong in.
Lesson 3: We are all living under the same sky but life isn’t the same for everyone
A friend of mine who scored 90 Rank Points for A-levels once told me that in life we all have 24 hours a day to spare, but some of us are in a luckier position as compared to others.
For example, he was able to focus solely on his studies during his A-level years because his financial needs were being met. His parents and siblings were also back in Thailand, which allowed him to have more time for himself in Singapore. Thus, he credited his excellent results not to his talent but to the circumstances that he was lucky enough to have. Not everybody is lucky enough to experience such peace when trying to excel in their studies. Some of us might be troubled with family and relationship issues, while others might be focusing on how to earn money for the next meal.
Therefore, with different circumstances, it’s not plausible for us to make a fair comparison of others’ results and our own. What we can do is to do our best in the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Lesson 4: Comparison is good if used the right way
When we play games, there is a leaderboard that allows us to see where we are positioned. With the right foundational mindset of comparing with others because we would want to push one another to reach our goals, then comparison is a good thing.
If we have this mindset, when we see others top the leaderboard, we can congratulate them and share their happiness and joy with them. Similarly, when you are topping the leaderboard, your peers would do the same for you.
However, as mentioned in the past three lessons, comparison may cause us to go down a slippery slope. Thus, it’s important to be aware of how we really feel. If we start to feel negative about the comparisons we make, then it’s important to realign ourselves with what was mentioned earlier: Don’t compare your chapter 01 with someone else’s chapter 10, don’t let your results determine your self-worth, and life isn’t the same for everyone.
In a nutshell...
I would like to say to those who are reading this that you are wonderfully made. If you ever feel like you are in a bad place, filled with thoughts about being talentless and worthless, then perhaps you can give these tips a shot.
Make a change to your mindset, or change your environment and the people you hang out with. More often than not, the people around you determine the kind of behaviour and mindset you have.
P.S. If you ever need a listening ear, I’m always here for you guys– just like how someone was there to be my listening ear, helping me to step onto a path of greatness instead of destruction.
Going through Poly can be tough both mentally and emotionally. We hope that as seniors, we can be a friend and a listening ear to you! Drop us a message on Telegram if you wish to talk to any of us to rant, vent or get advice on Poly.
