A reflection of my struggles in Covid-19 — Emmanuel Phua
My true love of running developed back when I was in poly. I always looked forward to heading home after school so that I could put on my running shoes and begin pounding the pavements.
Running was essentially a way for me to unwind and feel rejuvenated again, especially after a tough day in school. This hobby made me feel good - both physically and mentally, and I soon found myself signing up for mass runs, ranging from 10km to the 42.195km full marathon.
The Japanese writer Haruki Murakami, one of my favourite authors and an avid runner himself, put it well in his book, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: “I'm no great runner, by any means. I'm at an ordinary - or perhaps more like mediocre - level. But that's not the point. The point is whether or not I improved over yesterday. In long-distance running the only opponent you have to beat is yourself, the way you used to be." The challenge of running is one that I relished in, so it came as no surprise that I continued doing so regularly even after I graduating from polytechnic.
However, things weren’t quite the same anymore when 2020 came around. This year was a huge struggle for me. The Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated the impact of these seemingly insurmountable challenges. When Singapore implemented the circuit breaker measures to curb the spread of the virus, it felt like an opportune time for me to spend more time exercising, since I was constantly cooped up at home.
My workout routine kept me going, but my life was upended on 30 May when I woke up not being able to bear weight on my left leg. I hobbled around on one leg for nearly one week but when I sensed that it was not getting any better, I decided to seek medical treatment on 5 June where I got a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan. The results were reviewed the next day and it was revealed that I had a partially torn left Achilles tendon. This affected me in more ways than one, as the pain was excruciating and it further amplified as I was unable to find solace in my partner and friends with the circuit breaker measures in place.
Looking back, it was a very unpleasant and lonely experience for me, but I took comfort in my Christian faith. While I clearly did not have enough strength to get through each day, I placed my trust in God who holds my life in His hands. I remained sanguine even in the face of adversity only because I turned to Christ, my anchor and giver of hope.
Another thing that helped me through this period was music. One of the songs I looped, Peace by We The Kingdom has a line that truly resonated with me, became my anthem for the year.
It goes “I remember who you are"
You’re the God who’s never ever far away
So I will not be afraid
God, You always, You always keep me safe in Your arms"
Even though I am still on the mend and struggling with some niggling aches, I know that there is hope even in a dark year. A case in point: I was initially recommended to go for surgery, but I responded well to non-surgical treatment and was able to walk in mid-July.
It also helped tremendously whenever I could catch up my friends and loved ones through our new favourite platform, Zoom. Even though we all had to keep a physical distance from each other, it was a great comfort knowing that they were there for me and were just a call or text away! All this helped me to stop dwelling on the pain that I felt.
This episode made me lean on my faith, to find peace and rest in God who is my solid rock. I know that this, too, shall pass. The fight against Covid-19 is a long-drawn one, but we will get through this together. As we navigate through these challenging times, my hope is that we will emerge stronger, kinder and with a newfound perspective on what is genuinely important in life.
This year has brought many of us pain and frustration but don't forget, we are in this together! Like Emmanuel who has found clarity and hope in his valleys, Tribeless is bringing together people of different walks by creating virtual safe spaces for people to share their experiences and journey this year. Find comfort and clarity for your life through honest conversations without the fear of being judged.
For more details: Click here
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