Since young, the formula for being a typical “successful Singaporean” has been drilled deep into our minds.
Growing up in a society where the definition of success is defined and affirmed by numbers, it's easy to become engrossed with our statistics—O/N-Level and GPA scores, the number of likes on Instagram, number of TikTok followers we have, or even the numbers on our paycheck.
Sadly, I’ve observed that it has gotten to the point where we unknowingly depend on these numbers for our self-esteem, which ultimately shapes how we view ourselves. We may think that we’re not as smart as that friend who scored higher, not as likeable as that friend who has more followers and likes.
But what if those numbers aren't really us?
Numbers play an important role in our lives; it provides us with useful information and helps us make informed decisions. However, this becomes a problem when we are so obsessed with numbers that it defines our self-worth.
We need to remember that these numbers are just one part of who we are—they don't tell the whole story!
So, if you find yourself worrying about numbers too much, constantly comparing yourself to others based on grades and social status, let me share with you two important lessons on how to not let numbers define your life.
#1 Focus on what truly matters to you
It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race. Chasing grades, popularity and success, especially when these are things revered by everyone around us. However, when we allow numbers to determine our self-worth, we set ourselves up for disappointment when one of these numbers changes for the worse.
During my time at Poly and University, my identity had become centred on my academic successes. I wasn’t content until my grades were what I deemed acceptable. Even now as a working adult, I sometimes find myself placing my value on my job title, progression and pay.
I can’t change how society will always try to define me with these numbers, but it is my choice whether I let them define my worth. Personally, it’s an intentional decision to focus on the values that aren't defined by numbers - things like relationships, family, friendships, health and passions that truly matter to me.
Let me encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself:
What do you base your significance or worth on?
Pay attention to your innermost thoughts—What makes you feel valued? Do you focus on who you are and what you truly want to be? Or is it full of expectations of who you should be? Your inner dialogue and outlook should be yours, not shaped by other people’s expectations.
Who you are on the inside—the kind of person you are, your values, personal growth and progress is what matters most!
#2 Learn to embrace detours in life
In the twists and turns in life, we are bound to face many unexpected detours. If you didn’t get into your dream school, course or desired company, fret not! There’s always more than one route to your destination.
As someone who plans every milestone in my life, I used to feel discouraged whenever I faced a detour. From entering the Normal Academic (NA) stream in Secondary school to studying in a private University, I always felt second best.
Slowly, I began to realise that these detours do not make me any less of a person. Instead of fretting over what could have been, I learnt to make the best out of my situation, forge my path and embrace valuable lessons in my journey.
If you are experiencing a detour, don't let it get you down! Instead, focus on your end goal, what you want to achieve and how you can get there. Most importantly, knowing why you want to get there—your motivation, your purpose, what makes you feel alive. These are things that detours can’t easily change. Instead, it will only make your journey more meaningful.
When you willingly embrace detours and view them as an opportunity for growth, then it's no longer a detour—it's just one step closer towards your goal.
Making Your Life Count
At present, what numbers are you using as a yardstick to measure your worth? It’s time to let go of these external pressures and societal expectations. Make your life count by focusing on what truly matters to you, and embracing detours that allow you to forge your path.
Live life at your own pace and prioritise experiences and relationships that bring you joy and growth. In the end, a life lived with purpose and meaning is a life well-lived.
