Does singlehood feel sad, lonely and dreadful? I used to think so. In a society that prizes finding "true love" and "The One" as the ultimate goal in life, being single can be tough.
With Valentine's Day fast approaching, there is an emphasis on the joys of being in love. Seeing so many happy couples get to me at times and I can't help but feel like I'm missing out in life. But if we learn to look at singlehood from a different perspective, we will find that this status is worth celebrating and embracing.
So, if you're currently single and want to have a fresh perspective, allow me to share my top 3 reasons why I embrace my singlehood!
#1 A deeper understanding of yourself
One of the benefits of being single is that we have more time for self-reflection and introspection. When you know yourself well, it helps you to know your worth, understand what you’re looking for in a relationship and find someone who aligns with who you are as a person.
I did not learn to embrace singlehood overnight, in fact, I desperately wanted to escape from it.
Determined to get attached, I went on multiple dating apps and spent hours sifting through profiles. I kept myself busy by talking to several guys concurrently, in hopes of finding a connection.
After online dating for almost a year, I was emotionally drained. Finally, I took some time to reflect and asked myself why I felt that way. I realised that I was driven by the fear of being forever alone. It dawned on me that I held on to certain relationships despite knowing the differences in our values and beliefs, all because I wanted to escape my singleness.
This deeper understanding of who I am revealed my flaws and unhealthy mindset that needed to change and taught me to reorder my priorities, to live and date differently.
From someone who’s been there, I want you to know that you are not alone on this journey of singlehood. Instead, use this time of singleness to learn what you value and acknowledge what it is that makes you feel lonely.
Initially, it may feel difficult to dig deep and face your feelings, but learning to comprehend your emotions well can help you to face your fears and grow as a person.
#2 Flexibility for spontaneous solo adventures
With more flexibility and freedom as a single, I can fully control my time and create a schedule that works best for me. This has allowed me to pursue my passions and hobbies.
I first learned to appreciate spontaneous adventures when I travelled to The Netherlands and France for a solo graduation trip, and it was my first time celebrating my birthday alone in a foreign country.
From missing my flight to exploring new cities and meeting new people from all over the world, it was where I stepped out of my comfort zone and dared to do things alone.
Since the solo trip, I began to do things that I enjoy by myself—going for spin classes, swimming, exploring a new place or trying a unique hobby. Slowly, I learned to be comfortable with being alone and started to enjoy my company even more.
Don't be afraid of doing things solo! Instead, embrace your independence. Whether it is dining out alone, watching a movie or going to a museum by yourself, learning to do things on your own allows you to develop new interests and pursue adventures at your own pace.
#3 Time to develop strong friendships and invest in others
While I treasure my 'me' time and love doing things solo, I also cherish the time I have to socialise and connect with others.
Being available with my time and resources, I was able to invest my time in others by volunteering at a soup kitchen, teaching tuition to needy students on the weekends, and spending quality time with my friends and family.
Life as a single has helped to widen my social circle and deepen my connection with others, from childhood buddies, family members, to making new friends. I have the privilege of journeying through different seasons and creating memories with people from all walks of life.
If you ever feel distant from others, try reconnecting and reaching out to your friends you haven't seen in a while, or join a community that shares your interests—art, music, baking or a running group!
One of the key ways to feel more fulfilled in your friendships is to be fully present and make an effort to enjoy your time spent with the people you love. Remember, being single doesn't mean you are alone.
Thriving in Singleness
Singleness isn't second best. On the contrary, being single can be enjoyable. If you've recently become single or are taking a break from dating, you may find singleness to be a difficult and painful time. I hope these three points have helped to shift the way you view singleness.
My word of advice for all singles is this: The most important thing is to learn how to be happy being single first and we do not need to obsess over finding someone. Instead, find ways to embrace it and make the most out of your life.
So, take all the time you need to discover yourself—your values, priorities, enjoy your spontaneous adventures and build strong friendships.
Being single on 14th February doesn’t mean we’re alone! Spend your Valentine night chilling with new friends at our Speed Friending event!
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