Taking the MBTI test made me realise that I am introverted—at least 70% introverted.
Starting a conversation at a party is one of the top 10 things in my list of “don’t do”s, or “can’t do”s. At lift lobbies, I avoid eye contact as much as possible, and sometimes even close the lift door on people just so that I wouldn’t have to talk to them during the ride up.
Sure, I loved having new friends, but I hated the process as it depletes all my social energy at the end of the day.
You can see just how naturally inclined I am, as an introvert, to avoid draining social interactions. Now, as the pandemic restrictions suddenly ease and social gatherings return to more than 10 people, you can imagine how much of a problem it is for me and other introverts alike.
I found myself having to re-learn how to interact with people face-to-face again when all I had to do was sit in front of a computer. Meeting people online was somewhat comfortable but meeting people in real life was awkward.
After spending most of my time with my friends online through video calls and games such as Skribbl.io, Wordle and Gartic Phone, it was time to adapt to the “new normal” as the restrictions started to lift.
So how can introverts like me adapt to yet another "new normal"? How do we make friends? As a start, I’ll share some tips that might make entering this new way of life just a little easier for my fellow introverts!
Be yourself
First of all, it is good to be aware that there is such a thing as an online personality vs an offline personality.
Sometimes people put on a faux personality online to fit in or make themselves seem appealing, which creates a totally different personality from real life. For example, a person may make their photos seem more appealing than in real life and some may sound friendly and kind online but after meeting them in real life, turn out to be distant and cold.
There may be many reasons why there’s a discrepancy in their online vs offline personality but what I find rings true is the phrase we often hear, "Be yourself".
When it comes to making friends, being your true self can help a person to see you for who you are, and trust you more easily. They can open up, and be more willing to share their lives with you.
While it may be tempting to fit in or change yourself to make the new people you meet like you more, it doesn't help you to form authentic relationships. If someone were to be your true friend, they would like you for who you really are.
Besides, we don’t have to be like anyone else in our lives–each of us contributes uniquely to a friendship. As an introvert, you (like me) might be quieter or more withdrawn when meeting people for the first time, and that's okay. I often encounter people who are boisterous, lively, or loud in general, and I've found that it balances out my introversion.
Think of it this way: each of us is like a different book on a shelf, with a special story to tell. When we share that story, the people who want to listen will naturally gravitate toward us, and we don't have to force things to happen.
Find your common interests
The next step to making new friends is finding out what are the things that you both love. There is no need to pretend to like something to gain their friendship.
Whether playing the same sports or listening to the same music, your common interests make a great starting point for a friendship. Conversations will be able to flow more smoothly from there, and you can also begin to spend time doing something that's related to what you both like.
For example, if you're both up for a good adventure, then you can do activities like bungee jumping or cycling through the park connectors on the island.
Or, if you both love creative expression, then why not sign up for art jamming on your first "date"? Art jamming is like therapy, relieving stress while getting to meet new people.
Learn to say no, even if it means being less well-liked
As an introvert, you might feel extra pressure to say yes to what your new friends ask of you whether it’s to keep the harmony in your friendships or to avoid being left out, it's hard to put your foot down and stick with what you really want to do.
However, it is important to remember not to force yourself to say ‘yes’ just because you want your new friends to like or accept you. Maintaining your personal boundaries–saying no at the right time–will help you to forge better friendships, and with people who respect you and want what's best for you.
But how do you put your foot down? One thing that I do is that I weigh both sides of the situation. For example, if I feel pressured into going for a drinking session with my friends instead of studying for an upcoming test, then I'll think of what it would mean if I said yes, compared to if I turned down the invitation.
Just imagine: all your new friend asks you to do is drink and party, but your long-term goal is getting into a university that you desire. Not only is this friendship expensive, but it might even block you from reaching your future goals.
After weighing both options, I concluded that saying ‘yes’ would make me feel bad about neglecting my studies while saying no would give me the liberty and time to study for my test.
In this case, there aren't any meaningful or wholesome activities that you can do together that would allow you to grow together in life. Hence, the best choice is clear—it is to choose to study for the test.
Having this way of thinking makes it easier for me to walk away from them and tell them there will be another time for such things.
Sometimes, it's also clear from the beginning what the other person wants from me or out of this friendship. When it is evident that the friendship does not benefit me in any way and is even harming me, I choose to find other people that would want the best for me and help me progress step by step in life.
As an introvert, making friends can take a lot of effort compared to online means during the pandemic. But when you take that step of courage and end up forging good friendships, then I believe that effort is worthwhile.
Celebrate small successes and achievements in going out of your comfort zone and spending all that social energy on someone new! The right group of friends can help you grow out of your shell more and support you through life’s ups and downs.
